emotions of the moments...

humans are emotional beings but we must REFRAIN from being emotionally driven...

no more emotionally driven

things are about to be different

i'm putting things in perspective

now on i'm acting selective

gotta think it straight and objective

think it twice and be decisive

i just be chillin' and dealin'

with all ma demons be killin'

this how now i will be rollin'

no one can stop me from going

it doesn't matter the problem

i got ma GOD, you can't stop Him

with hosts of angels be coming

backing me up from the dungeon

breaking the walls and the chains

releasing me from ma pain!

Be Real...

2 words : Pretension. Falsehood.

metamorphosis...

a transformation is required when the time has expired...

come what may...

¹⁸ “Forget the former things;

do not dwell on the past.

¹⁹ See, I am doing a new thing!

Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the wilderness

and streams in the wasteland.

²⁰ The wild animals honor me,

the jackals and the owls,

because i provide water in the wilderness

and streams in the wasteland,

to give drink to my people, my chosen,

²¹ the people i formed for myself,

that they may proclaim my praise.

Isaiah 43:18-21 (NIV)

QUENCH '10

GOD brought me back around by gettin' me shot down...

THE WORD WHICH WAS SPOKEN FORTH TO ME:

• SESSION 1: get rid of worldly clutter and make space for GOD-ly water.
• SESSION 2: take the cap of pride and ego off.
• SESSION 3: metaphorically & literally - stop performing on stage. WORSHIP HIM!
• SESSION 4: i'm not alone. i'm loved. don't impress the world, all for GOD!
• SESSION 5: GOD sees everything. surrender all. guidance. floodgates opened. joy in the household.

i got quenched, drenched and fixed up with GOD'S wrench. have Your way.

"Have you been quenched, yo?"

Psalm 51:17 (Just Leave Me Alone...)

shit! here i go again, venting all ma pain again...

gotta get this shit outta ma system before it kills ma brain again

i feel like i wanna throw it in, the towel right into the bin

i can no longer stand it, wanna give up on this road i'm in

there is no point for what i'm doing, i don't see no truth in it

i gave ma explanation but then they want a lot more out of it

how can i give more with that attitude right in front of ma face?

it is mere impossible for me to exercise that grace

i feel like i wanna quit this race

no more pursuing, no more chase

i feel like i don't give a damn anymore about 'eternal place'

oh, LORD! please forgive me, would You? even if i didn't ask You to?

i'm sorry if somehow i'm taking all of my shit out on You

oh, LORD! You know me, You know me, You know from the inside out

there is nothing i can hide from You and that there is no doubt!

so, LORD, won't You just look at me 'cause i'm even ashamed of me

You said You won't despise me!

...i'm broken and contrite within me...

take the coal and cleanse ma lips, oh LORD...

5 "Woe to me!" I cried. "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty."

6 Then one of the seraphs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with thongs from the altar. 7 With it he touched my mouth and said, "See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for."

Isaiah 6:5-6 (NIV)

Reconstruction...

responsibility. somethin' that i've not been livin' up to

humility. holdin' ma breath till i be turnin' blue

complexity. somethin' that's goin' on in ma mind

that i can't rewind and can never bring it back to the time

that when it used to be fine and i would not cross the line

between the fact and the fiction, no sign of any affliction

back then, when i was full straight and had them goals in ma mind

when i was able to see and decipher and not just go blind

to the things important and truer than true and true to itself

i guess i've caused maself to slip and i'm just losing maself

in this heat of the matter in which the matter gets worse

and then when worse comes to worst, there goes ma whole universe

and you might think that i stole that verse from Eminem's verse

but it's just a reference, no need for you to go out and curse

i've already got alotta things leading me to that hearse

so enough talk and just stop sending me your 'no loves'

i need to get outta the ditch, from the curse of the evil witch

in which i leave ma past behind and just move on and just stitch

ma present together so that it can be so much better

but by the grace of God only because His grace is the center

the center of existence and the center of life

and i believe His grace is sufficient for me in ma life

and His power perfected in all ma weakness and strife

and through the torments and torrents i believe that i will survive

therefore, i boast not about me but i boast about ma God

who did not spare His only Son nor would He spare the rod

"Oh, Lord! Do as You wish, Your will be done in me

even if You have to reshape and remould, You RECONSTRUCT me!"

moving forward indeed...

a new month, a new post. methinks that MONTHLY blogging will be an activity of higher frequency that i will be carrying out in the up and coming days...i mean, months...to come. perhaps with the exception of a few fortnightly posts in between as well. that is, IF i'm capable of slottin' them into ma rather maddening daily schedule.

lethargy. a common sensation that i've been experiencing lately. well, mostly everyday i must say. and to ma surprise and amusement, i have yet to acquire a particular skill that is much sought after among many Pre-U and 1st year college students - time management. i'm quite unable to cope with whatever that's being thrown at me - academically speaking, of course.

emotions. an erupting volcano and a devastating tornado are just a few metaphorical emotional catastrophes which are constantly in brew within me. containable? with much strength from The Divine - yes. alone? - an inevitable meltdown will draw nigh.

however, the above two are experienced and unjustly intensified during usual schooling days. mind you, the holidays are here...besides, i also strongly believe that, ...

"You make all things new

yes, You make all things new

and i will follow You, forward."

Moving Forward, Israel Houghton

the time has come...

the word which was brought forth yesterday at Youth Service 2...

14After John was put in prison, Jesus went into Galilee, proclaiming the good news of God. ¹⁵"The time has come," he said. "The kingdom of God is near. Repent and believe the good news!"

Mark 1:14-15 (NIV)

am i a good steward of ma time?? food for thought...

another g'day...

another g'day, this i have to say...too tired to elaborate. gotta wake up early tomorrow. church. leading praise & worship for Youth service. God be with me. AMEN.

melting point...

there's definitely bigger things to be concerned about

i know about it for sure, definitely i don't doubt

so what am i doing here? gettin' stuck and can't get out?

i need the strength from God, man, He gotta pull me out!

from ma misery and pain that i've laid upon maself

didn't wanna go to God, thought i could handle maself

but when things seem bleak and all around, you weak

there's only one you can go to, gotta lay it at His feet

and hope and pray, submit, commit your life today

no more goin' back to how it was, damn ma ways

i gotta start it all over, melt maself into clay

i need the Potter to shape me and mould ma ways

am i serious? i'm curious. am i being delirious?

i don't wanna be a joke, man. it's not hilarious

precarious, it is. as i'll be dealing with God

but actually, i'm the one being dealt by God!

empathy & humility...

it was a couple of days ago when this phrase came to me in ma CG (Cell Group) meeting...

"if we exalt ourselves, God will humble us BUT if we humble ourselves, God will exalt us."

and after which, i read the book of Daniel in the Good Book. i was particularly attracted to the story of King Nebuchadnezzar. i have read his story before but it was more true to life for me lately. his life centres upon arrogance, downfall, humility and of re-exaltation by God. in the words of King Nebuchadnezzar...

^"36 At the same time that my sanity was restored, my honor and splendor were returned to me for the glory of my kingdom. My advisers and nobles sought me out, and I was restored to my throne and became even greater than before. ³⁷ Now I, Nebuchadnezzar, praise and exalt and glorify the King of heaven, because everything he does is right and all his ways are just. And those who walk in pride he is able to humble."

Daniel 4:36-37 (NIV)

ma walk with the Lord these days is rather shaky, uncertain and i am not like the person i used to be - acknowledging God in my life.

well, it was the day before yesterday actually, on that Sunday morning - i had a little of the sniffles. as the day progressed, i was already having a headache. in the afternoon, i popped 2 caplets of Panadol in ma mouth and zonked out for an hour and a half. ma headache grew in the evening and again i popped ANOTHER 2 caplets of Panadol and i retired for the day.

the following day (yesterday), that headache of mine grew to an enormous size and it was MASSIVE!! it was rather unbearable and it soon bestowed upon me a rather unfitting body temperature of a whopping 38.5 Degrees Celsius!! i was incinerating from within...i couldn't sleep it off nor could i shake it off...and i was rather worried about ma condition too. i had most of the Dengue symptoms - retro-orbital pain, muscle and joint aches, massive headache...except for nausea though...with that, i went to a clinic and got ma meds...sponged maself for most of the night and ventured into la la land till the next day (today)...

as for today, i can say that i'm still having that headache but it shrunk TREMENDOUSLY!! and i'm feeling a whole lot better. for me, i think this lil' experience has taught me to be more empathetic with those closest to me when THEY'RE suffering. 'cause i haven't been doing that lately but instead made them put up with all ma nonsensical antics. it has also humbled me in some way or the other - like in the days of King Nebuchadnezzar. and when a sickness or adversity befalls, that is all that one will be able to feel - humility. humility in knowing that there is One far greater than anyone else, the One who has the ability to give and to take, to exalt or to depose.

i thank the Lord for a speedy recovery even though i'm not FULLY recovered yet. but, it's in the process...i believe it...

I don't blog? moving on...NEXT!! :P

i don't blog? well...yeah..actually, i don't.. 'then, why the heck do u have a blog?!' you might ask..well, i ask that same question too sometimes.. :P i guess it was 'peer pressure' or the trend or smth..but, anyway..here i am though..BLOGGING.. ;) and yeah..anyway, gone to church today..it wuz rather rough..had a bad morning..mom was yelling at me for getting up late..wasn't in the mood BUT i felt COMPELLED to go though..so......i went..AND..i didn't regret it.. :) God moved TREMENDOUSLY throughout the worship session and pastor then urged those who had anything at all to share, to just grab the mike..it was like an open-mike session no? ;) anyway, i was impressed to share abt the life of Daniel as i felt that God spoke to me in the car this morning...it was abt Daniel requesting not to eat the choice food of the palace BUT to have a diet of ONLY vegetables and water..in the end, Daniel and his friends who had the said diet, were MUCH better looking than the other dudes who had the 'royal food'...and there, it hit me..BOOM!! 'SPIRIT AND FLESH DO NOT MIX'... and it occurred to me that I was actually giving into my flesh by actually portraying a couldn't-care-less attitude...well...i shared abt that...and indeed, the whole service was turned around...and i also rmbred the words of John-Aidan Low... "If you want God to fall in this place, YOU got to ASK HIM to FALL!! it's YOUR service, it's what YOU make of it!!" STRONG words there, don't u think? :P so, yeah..i guess i'm just posting this as a reminder to me.. :P oh well...shouldn't be blogging anyway...SPM SIAL!! -.- oh, well..signing out now... :)

Jeremiah 29:11

'"For I know the plans i have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."' -Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)-

yo, wasssup y'all? decided to blog today..betcha wondering, "why is this dude so 'Spiritual' now?" eh? lol.. ;) i'm not actually..obviously there's a reason why i quoted this scripture today..for those of u who don't know..lemme fill u in a lil..this is one of ma FAVOURITE verses from The Good Book a.k.a. The Bible..why so?? well..it's kinda obvious already..at least SOMEONE wants SOME good for us right? lol..since the world is already getting darker, it's kinda good to have a lil hope.. :)

anyway..lemme tell u a story..it's kinda funky-fresh..hehe.. ;) it happened THIS MORNING..wooh..told u it was FRESH.. :D anyway, u see..i have a FREAKING RETARDED tendency of getting up late for school..and it all boils down to the ONE and SAME reason..slept late the night before.. -.- lame right?? sooo...yeah..got up late lorr..and guess what?? ma dad was supposed to fetch me to school on his way out..BUT.. (there's ALWAYS a 'but') ;)..he didn't.. :( and everyone goes 'awwww'..anyway, i was LEFT with no choice but to proceed to school on ma RIGHT foot and ma trusty crutches..AND, i know what y'all be thinking now.. 'what a NUT!! don't go to school larrr...problem settled..' haha..well..i did think about it..BUT, i jus decided to be a 'nut' anyway..so, i headed for school..and as i was walking, i mean..'crutching' :p i was kinda getting tired..and i was like only at the second alley from ma house.. T.T stupid-nyer!! anyway..as i was STILL walking, SUDDENLY..this car right..stopped BEHIND me!! wow..wth is this? and to ma surprise..it happened to be someone i DIDN'T KNOW..BUT the driver was FAMILIAR..how was this so?? @.@ well..LET'S REWIND THE CLOCK A LIL..

back when i was PHYSICALLY-abled..which wasn't too long ago..around 2 weeks ago..i usually walk to school..and there so happened to be a mom walking her daughter to school..our school la..SMK Seafield..well, kinda of the norm la..her daughter is in Form 3 and yeah..they walk to school..NOW..BACK to ma story..i met this lady..she was FAMILIAR..it was the SAME lady who would USUALLY walk to school with her daughter..BUT instead, she is now behind the wheel with her daughter in the back seat!! WOW!! what a DELIGHTFUL SURPRISE!! :D soooo, the mom asked me to get in the car..SINCE, they're ALSO on the way to school..DURH!! haha..and she thought i was some malay dude..so, she spoke to me in Bm..hahahahahaha.. ^^ used to it anyway..BUT, OF COURSE..being an English-ed..i responded in ma mother tongue..English.. :) she asked me abt ma predicament and how it all happened..i explained..AS USUAL..getting kinda bored explaining..hey!! since i'm already here typing..i might as well EXPLAIN ONCE AND FOR ALL (obviously speaking figuratively.. -.-)

it happened on the 4th of September..i was AS USUAL..LATE FOR SCHOOL!!!!! GAAAHHHH!! i really hate this part of ma life..anyway, i was RUNNING to school with a kinda HEAVY bag..and suddenly...at around the 2nd alley (AGAIN!!) i lost ma footing!! and......... *C-RRR-AAA-CCCC-KKKK* i heard crack sounds!! OMG!! "GOD!! wht are u telling me?!" i said..well..then on, i had to limp to school..and again..y'all might be thinking.. "WHY DON'T U JUST GO HOME?!?"..haha..well...it was the day for me to collect a certain certificate..SINCE, i AM the monitor of ma class..NOT QUITING!! (even if i said i would) hehe.. :p and yeah..i was STILL LATE FOR SCHOOL!!! G-AHH!!! terrible shiit!! T.T soo yeah..that was wht happened larrr....and AGAIN...BACK TO THE STORY WHICH HAPPENED TODAY..i was chatting with the mom, and before i knew it..we have reached school..*PHEW!!* "THANK YOU!!" i piped..sooo...yeah..and this time..i WASN'T LATE to school!! :D so, the conclusion of ma story??

it is INEVITABLE to DENY the FACT that INDEED, SOMEONE is WATCHING over US..AND..that SOMEONE is the ONE & ONLY (PLAIN TO SEE), HEAVENLY FATHER!!! like it or not, that's the FACT!! and i'm sticking with this TRUTH!! :D For, without HIS provision..i don't think i'll be able to last another ALLEY..lol.. ;) soo, yeah..when all may SEEM LOST & HOPELESS, ALWAYS rmbr that HE will never LEAVE US nor would HE FORSAKE US..AND..EVERYTHING happens for a REASON!! EVERYTHING!! :D so, yeah..that's mainly what i want to say here..ALL GLORY & HONOUR to GOD..also..bless and rmbr those who have HELPED us.."GOD, pls bless the mom and her daughter who has so helped me this morning..may your favour be upon them and their ENTIRE FAMILY..i thank YOU preparing a way too, even if it may seem so helpless..thank you..in Jesus' name, AMEN.."

..'sealed with a prayer, that's MA blessing to another- A.RON'..

God bless.. :D