this place...

not many people would have stumbled upon this blog. this doesn't bother me much because it isn't the main purpose of its existence. the reason is for a person really, myself.


this is a place i come to when i virtually have no where else to go (pun intended). this is a place where the other side of me surfaces - the side which many people don't really see or don't bother enough to notice. this is the place where i spew ALL ma emotions and feelings when no one else would listen. oh sure there's the Almighty One, but...this is a place where i can throw a tantrum and anything else i'm feeling and not feel remorseful about it... imagine scolding God for no apparent reason, unfair isn't it? anyway, back to the subject - this is a place where all that's bottled up inside is let loose. this is a place of solace. this is a place which keeps me from exploding in real-life. well, sorta... this is a place which chronicles my life - ma ups and downs (mostly downs). this is a place where i can be none other than, myself.


no masks. no masquerades. no courts. no jesters. no lies. no liars. all truth. all prayers. all hurt. all evil. all love. all people. no pretense. no fire. all hell. all trials...somewhat like that.


starting from today, i will embark on a new journey. a journey i would like to call, the
'Never-present-your-opinion-to-anyone-anywhere-unless-they-desperately-ask-for-it-and-need-it-with-the-condition-that-they-will-be-willing-to-listen-first-to-every-word-of-it-before-casting-a-judgement-or-conclusion-otherwise-it-would-just-be-better-to-keep-ma-mouth-shut! Journey...


a vow of silence. in the footsteps of Snake Eyes...

emotions of the moments...

humans are emotional beings but we must REFRAIN from being emotionally driven...

no more emotionally driven

things are about to be different

i'm putting things in perspective

now on i'm acting selective

gotta think it straight and objective

think it twice and be decisive

i just be chillin' and dealin'

with all ma demons be killin'

this how now i will be rollin'

no one can stop me from going

it doesn't matter the problem

i got ma GOD, you can't stop Him

with hosts of angels be coming

backing me up from the dungeon

breaking the walls and the chains

releasing me from ma pain!

somethin' i felt awhile ago...

just as i was about to allow the cloud to fill this room up

i lost it all, gone berserk, emotions: let it slip up

oh Lord! forgive me, i'm asking of you once again

change me from the inner to the out

won't You just heal ma pain?

wash ma brain, pour Holy Water and Blood over it

i need an emotional anesthetic, help me counter it

i've lost maself for far too many times in ma life

i dunno whether i can ever be a good enough man for ma wife

although i know i should not be thinking 'bout this shit right now

it's just a metaphor of the way i'm really feeling right now

thinking and contemplating about the ways i've been acting

not really right. man! all i've been doing is counter-reacting

defaming and shaming and blaming and name-calling and hating

the only thing i've never done yet, really is just murdering

although at times i beg to differ, ma words tend to wound deeper

and they have to tend the wounds while i break open tender wounds

but why should i move? ain't it got nothin' to do with me?

maybe it has, only 5 minutes in this vicinity

before i go and just have to kill ma f*cking flow

or before another dude comes up to me and has to make me move

but whatever digressing topic from the main counter concocting

it all goes back to the way that i've been really acting

oh Lord! again, i come to You with all ma pain

take it away before i end maself in a train!

hah!

hah! i was spewin' ma feelings, shit you for not understanding

bout me goin' through hell, don't understand? you're speculating

you're spectating. painstaking observations mismatching

i've said ma piece. no more words for me to be wastin'

girlfriends? you livin' in a parallel universe - you delirious.

all this shit bout ma life being turbulent is hilarious!

and the shit about you screwing me for starting this shit??

hey, just a reminder. mutual feelings played a part in this shit

and the fact that you brought it up and blamin' this all on me

shows that you don't know me. hell, and you think you're Kenobi

think you can read ma mind? what's up with ma lyrics and rhymes?

damn! your point of view IS distorted and this ma point of view recorded...

sighs...

who the f*ck am i kiddin'? without you i'll still be bleedin'

another silver lining? c'mon man, stop with the shittin'

it seems impossible to get over, somethin' takin' me over

and i end up pleadin' for mercy, for you to forgive me

it's like this shit i spill is somethin' that can keep me alive

or alive enough for me not to stab maself with a knife

and i'll give it all to you, i'll give it up for you, you know it's true

don't act like you don't know that this shit's pointed to you

although you knew, i think you do, you won't be settlin' for nothin'

you don't seem to be comin' back to me and that just be hurtin'

and all these words i be blurtin' for me to sink the suspicion

that you found another dude in ma place for a replacement

and i'll be like some other trash that you stash in the basement

no more shit you feelin' for me, no more starin' and gazin'

into the endless bliss in your eyes when i see the connection

the line is down...man, how is it that we comin' round?

i don't think that shit's about to happen no more, so i frown

i'm like another clown, goin' round town with ma head down

wishin' for the good ol' days, i wish i could trade in ma pain

i'mma give up ma playin' ways just to have you again...

the silver lining...

i guess that was all i needed to hear - your voice...

Ma Five Elements...

i'mma throw at you ballistic missiles and A-bombs

till you have no choice but you have to raise your arms

and i don't care what you think, so don't try to bother

'cause if you do, you just gonna make it a harder slaughter

but even if you do, man, i still don't give a damn

'cause the weather man is in fact, ma biggest fan

he be watching the radar and gauging how far

when the Quake's gonna shake and the storm's gonna wake

when that Typhoon gonna blow into full bloom

Tornado gonna turn, watchin' you burn

by the flames of the rage gettin' caught in the cage

when the Meteors shower, you left with no power...

Be Real...

2 words : Pretension. Falsehood.

with all the variables in my life, you seem to be the only constant...

"you were always on my mind"?, now ain't that a borrowed line

i don't really give a damn, you are constant in ma rhymes

after close to a year, we are quite broken here

like a glass window with a crack, cannot be repaired

cannot be restored, cannot be mended, cannot be healed

time borrowed cannot be returned, cannot be relived

all this shit of me talkin' and spewin' everythin' within

without ever really mentioning your name - it seems

it's like the King gave me something, he bestowed upon me

something very valuable, indeed it was a trophy

a Ring - symbolizing strength, made me a winner

 it made me his winger and it brought about the inner..

..Intelligence and Strength - what a combination

what a concoction for a mind set on domination

mindset was dominated by the things i really wanted

but somehow the things i really wanted never really sat upon it

so i Tried to push but i guess it wasn't hard enough

i was too chicken, maybe i just let it slip up

and because of that, i lost it all, in fact

i gained everything that pain and suffering could bring

i wish i really could turn back the hands of time

or somehow just find a way to get You outta ma mind

but you're so hard to forget even with multiple options

you got a hold on me - you know none about it...

Infrequencies...

i feel all the Infrequencies, all lying in wait of me

waiting so patiently and waiting as they beckon me

something like The Inevitable but a little different, see?

though both of 'em have the tendency to be in tandem, see?

what kinda tendency do i refer to with this entity?

something said to be fictitious and/or filled with misery?

well, maybe.

maybe this shit's a lil' crazy

for me and for you to swallow it whole and regurgitate it

as we move on to the next flow and the next level we go

nothin' holding us back but the things of the past we can't let go

but as the music moves and the hands of clocks in time

we're always reminded that everything's gonna be just fine...

regret...

"Opportunities flit by while we sit regretting the chances we have lost, and the happiness that comes to us we heed not, because of the happiness that is gone." - Jerome K. Jerome (1859-1927)

"There is no refuge from memory and remorse in this world. The spirits of our foolish deeds haunt us, with or without repentance." - Gilbert Parker (1862-1932)

metamorphosis...

a transformation is required when the time has expired...

come what may...

¹⁸ “Forget the former things;

do not dwell on the past.

¹⁹ See, I am doing a new thing!

Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the wilderness

and streams in the wasteland.

²⁰ The wild animals honor me,

the jackals and the owls,

because i provide water in the wilderness

and streams in the wasteland,

to give drink to my people, my chosen,

²¹ the people i formed for myself,

that they may proclaim my praise.

Isaiah 43:18-21 (NIV)