"if the shoe fits, i'll wear it..."
Eminem
this has been one of 'em phrases that has been ringing in ma head lately...along with the song from Timbaland - Undertow. i've spoken briefly about it on ma previous post. anyway, i thought the things in ma life that needed time to set had already set and i've gotten over it. however, things are not always what they seem to be. currently, it's as if ma very being is haunted and tormented by ma past endeavours...or i would rather say, failed endeavours...
the very abandonment of a soul whom i once held so dear for an extended period of time has in every sense of the phrase, 'set ma heart up in flames', as i strive to regain what was lost...it seems that every opportunity seized to undo what was done, only bore the fruit of futility and uselessness...ma current state of mind seems to be verging on insanity and exasperation as ma very fabric of existence is being challenged by the time which was consumed in utter and absolute negligence of that one soul...
how can one, just ONE person...make me feel THIS shitty and sombre? well, i believe that to be a rather pointless question to be asked in a time like this, as i am already very well aware of the solution to the said question. besides, this has to be the 2nd time that i'm feeling THIS shitty and glum. i believe the last time this similar incident took its course was approximately, 4-5 years ago. obviously there were OTHER hiccups along the way as well BUT none of 'em were so similar to the first. but what differentiates the 1st from the 2nd is that in the 1st - the bridges built between maself and another were burnt by 'the other', NOT me...although, the bridge still remains, if it were to be examined as a person who was burnt while escaping from a burning building, i would say that the person sustained third-degree burns BUT is still alive...
on the other hand, i have exactly NO IDEA how long this emotion of the moment which is likened to a bubonic plague is going to terrorise the inhabitants of ma citadel - the very essence of ma life...ma soul. if ma memory serves me well, i took about 3 months to get over the 1st shit. only God knows how long i would take to get over THIS shit. but like i said, i've brought this upon maself. i've got to live with the aftermath of the quake, the pain brought by the hurricane and the consequences of ma actions. so...
"if the shoe fits, i'll wear it..."
Eminem
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